advice for the clueless

okay, since it seems im the youngest and dumbest around here, some advice from the manly gender.

what does a guy mean when he says: i dont know how i feel about you.

this is first for me. and im sure as hell in the mood the waste my energy on a player.

In my experience (female point of view), he probably means exactly what he said…

which, of course, is of no help to you whatsoever…

Sorry, we’ll wait for the guys to answer this one.

and, one more thing, you’re not dumb, far from it.

seeing I’m the oldest and as dumb ;D (married for 40 yrs!) I’ll venture some advice: he wants you to convince him you’re worth his attention! shit…if he’s not into you he’s not into you…period. Sounds to me like emotional blackmail! However, are you into him? Is he worth your time…I obviously don’t know and cannot comment. A relationship is a 50;50 thing, give and take on both sides…don’t get caught up giving more than you get! Sorry…just my humble views. ???

he’s a stand-up guy. dont smoke, dont drink, no violence. dead honest, which is painfull sometimes. good to animals. not a sex fiend. super sense of humour, not clingy, indipendant.
i think he’s the shit. but i have spent 2 years before with someone who wasnt emotionally available, so dont wanna walk that little road again.

he is super affectionate, i have met all his friends, takes me just about everywhere, i’ve met his parents. he pays for me even if i want to pay for myself.

he doesnt do romance. at all. no flowers, no romantic messages. never says he misses me.

he’s had a bad time with his ex, she still rattles him if he runs into her.

so i can do the wait and watch thing, but when i chick says, i dont know, it means she’s keeping her options open, and if he is as dead honest as he usually is, he would have told me as much.

is it a case of he’s so goddamn cautious, that he’s keeping himself from being emotionally involved.

sounds like he’s running scared (been burned) and is honest enough to admit it…if that’s the case he needs time and space…a friendship that could work both ways would be great…find the things you both enjoy and share; don’t expect too much too soon; indulge and eventually it may all work out. While he said he’s not sure about his feelings, it’s still up to him to become confident in you and in himself. Sounds like a good guy! :-\

he’s great guy.
but then again, i thought the same of my ex, who beat the living shish-kebab out of me.
so obviously my judgement in this matter sucks.

but thanx for the feedback. i would rather take the advice of someone whose been there, done that, got the screensaver, than follow my own stubborn self.

I’d say he means that he doesn’t know how he feels about you. Guys are not that good about “feelings”. Why not ask him - “Yo! WTF do you mean by that?”.

he says, that he doesnt know if he loves me as a friend, or a girlfriend. and he’s doesnt talk about emotions at all, and that’s the it is. so love it or leave it.
he cant say to me that he just want to be friends, or that he wants me to be patient with him while he gets his head right, or he thinks i deserve better, or he thinks we should stop seeing each other… just he doesnt know, and that’s it.

Look, I’ve said before that the INTJ thing really describes me well. And I do a lot of what this guy does, so, without any clue what he’s actually like, this is what I’m like.

I can see the whole “some question the existance of emotion in the type”. And, to be honest, sometimes that’s exactly what I come up with wrt emotions: “I don’t know”. I’ll tell you it’s a strange feeling, but usually, for me, it means “You’re cool enough to hang around with, and I don’t meet many of those!”.

I’ll openly admit it… I’m not outwardly affectionate, but the “no emotion” thing IS just a “perception” of people who don’t get me. I am inwardly quite emotional, it just doesn’t bleed through into facial expressions, affection, etc. I’ll tell you to your face how I feel about you, and then I’ll just assume subconciously that you KNOW it because I SAID it, and no more re-enforcement is necessary. Or worse, I THINK I’m being affectionate, and clear about my feelings, but my partner thinks I’m being cold and distant. In the end it’s my general lack of being able to read people, and of being read correctly.

If he doesn’t know, it prob. means he’s trying to balance a HUGE equation in his head that may take things into account that you’re not considdering. It may be that his heart knows, but his logical mind is still trying to process, or vice versa.

Look at it this way, he could’ve gone the easy route and just lied it until it became the truth, or not. But no, he told the truth. Respect.

I hate vague wishy washy responses like that. You have a valid question. He must make a call and not leave you in limbo. Life is too short to procrastinate.

How long have you been seeing each other?

Listen, you say the guy is horribly honest, so take him up on that, he obviously likes you since he’s still hanging around with you, so maybe he only needs a bit of time to figure out not all women are like his ex…

Give him the same chance he obviously wants to give you, considering you both had the wings burnt with your ex’s.

i met him last year about this time, we had a thing for about a month or two, then had a wobble, and i decided it wasnt fair on him. with me being all over the place emotionally. so we were friends after that. then in feb this year, i couldnt deny that i wanted more than friendship from him.
i jumped his bones, he said he didnt know what he felt about me. so i said, let’s see where things go, just give it a chance.
and we have been together since.
admittedly, he was the first one to change his relationship status on facebook to being ‘in a relationship’.
he takes me out for dinner or lunch every weekend. he pays for movies/clubs/meals, unless i absolutely insist on paying.
we never use my car.
his parents are the absolute shit.

I dont think you should stress about his answer, on the surface he sounds like a good guy that likes spending time with you but also needs his “me” space. Take it one day at a time and enjoy his company, it might evolve into something more solid and constant, and even if it waters down, at least you had some good times with a decent guy who might even turn out to be your best friend for years to come. (My first b/f in high school turned out to be gay, after three years of puppy-love bliss I was devastated - but we’re still friends to this day)

and lastly, if he was playing, you wouldnt have been introduced to his folks… players dont do that. ;D

his folks are so cool. in their sixties, but total undcover hippies. his mom dresses cooler than i do, and his dad wears converse.
as opposed to my ex, whose parents sent their uber happy clappy daughter to convince me to follow god’s ways, and cover up my tattoos on my wedding day.
fail on both accounts.