Feeling mopey and rather crappy..

Other Off topic
1

Had an argument about religion (the lack of it in my family and the overabundance of it in theirs) with my almost-mother-in-law…

My S/O is a far more outspoken atheist than I am and his relationship with his mom has gone down the gutter during the last 10 years. We’ve been together on three years now, and I’m fairly laid back (I dont do conflict well) about other people’s beliefs. So she mistakenly thought I’d see things her way.

In an attempt to forge a relationship with her, I’ve been phoning her quite regularly over week-ends to fill her in on her son’s life etc, we visit at most 2 - 3 times a year due to the fact that the visits always end in a screaming match about religion and it takes me a week to get my man out of his mood.

Anyway, I did my regular call on Saturday and she asked advice as to how to fix the relationship between her and my S/O, and I told her to take the religion back into her bedroom and out of the conversations with us… well… I’ve NEVER been shouted at in such a manner EVER. I kept my cool though and calmly responded until she slammed the phone down.

Yesterday I switched the phone off and upon looking at it late yesterday afternoon, noted some 13 missed calls and an abundance of messages. I phoned her back and she apologised. She also assumed for some reason that I apologised back - which I didnt (since I cant see what I did wrong) and told me that she forgave me.

The thing is, I closed the door on her sometime during that conversation, and come hell or high water, I seriously doubt whether I’d be willing to open it again.

BUT, she’s my guy’s MOM… and regardless of his assurances that he’s on my side and loves me, I feel guilty. So all of this is emotion and very little logic, but I cant seem to get out of my slump.

Ugh, I hate conflict.

2

I’m sorry you have an almost-mother-in-law with weird ideas, Faerie. Unfortunately there is nothing I can necessarily say to make you feel less ‘slumpy’. Amazing how the super-christians are always about forgiveness - in my experience, you didn’t have to apologize at all, and she knows (in some deep dark logical piece of her brain that has been hidden away since she was 9 years old) that you did nothing wrong. She ‘forgives’ you as a way of apologizing, and to make herself feel better.
I would close the door on a person after an encounter like that, too. But isn’t it possible to close the door on that particular line of discussion, that topic, instead of on the person in her entirety? I think that every person has amazing things to offer (the world, the conversation, whatever) and just because there is no talking to her about religion, doesn’t necessarily mean there is nothing you can talk to her about at all. :-\

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Nope, because she will continue to bring it up, time and again, she is ALWAYS saying that she is on her knees for our souls (and my children’s since I’m not doing the job properly). And now I wont keep quiet anymore (which I did before).

As for people adding value - yes, I agree, everybody is interesting and has things to teach, and I honestly like the lady, aside from her illogical fundamentalism, she’s a nice person and I can identify with her in a lot of aspects, and I guess this is also adding to my misery.

Thanks Lilli.

4

BoogieMonster reads this and slams the closet door shut again

5

this might be a case of, if you cant say anything good, then dont say anything at all.
maybe have a discussion with her, and get your man to pull balls together too, the two of you needs to put up a united front. tell the old girl, listen, we are not religious, but it is our choice, and the reasons thereof is not important, or her business for that matter, and that you prefer, that in future, if she has something to say about the way you raise your kids, religion, or the lack thereof, that she should rahter just keep quiet, and respect your views, and that of her son, similarly, you will respect her views, even if it clashes with hers. tell her, that the new generations has a different view of the world, and that you would appreceate that your family, and its values be respected. and, if she cannot have a conversation with you, or about you, that doesnt involve religion, or dissing you and the way you live, then you would rather prefer that she just talk about the weather.
and as much as you appreceate that she has your, her son, and your kid’s best wishes at heart, with the praying and all, that you are glad for her to pray for you, but you prefer that she not guilt-trip you with it.
gettting your man to keep his cool, might not be easy, but you allso need him to pull it together, and be able to shutup, and not be pulled into arguments with his mum. a little bit of self-restraint all-round seems in order.
then, maybe, as harsh as it sounds, if she cannot keep to your rules (since its YOUR family), then she must know that you wont be making contact again, untill such time she can pull herself towards herself.
seems she and your s/o have fallen into this trap of arguing, and they cant get out of it. maybe an adult conversation is in order, or simply, abstinence. from the subject, the anger, the resentments.
and your man needs to put his foot down as well. its not her place to preach to you about how to raise your kids, and he should tell her, without any doubt, that he wont stand for it.
why you have to deal with his mom’s shit, is beyond me. he is a grown-ass man, and he should defend and protect you against his family.

6

Old lady probably thinks you’re both possessed by the devil or something. You just gotta learn to disassociate yourself more when she’s around. Crosses and holy water never hurt anyone, it’s when they come at you with a stake that you need to be careful. :stuck_out_tongue:

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;D

So don’t have any. There are other stuff you could talk about - just like lowercasegirl said. :stuck_out_tongue:

Protracted family feuds are hardly ever worth it, and pride is a stupid reason for wasting time.

Mintaka

8

:smiley:
Feel about the same, and you managed to put a grin on my face!

seems she and your s/o have fallen into this trap of arguing, and they cant get out of it.
Spot on...
Old lady probably thinks you're both possessed by the devil or something

She told me on Saturday that she’s praying for us to have the same peace in our home as she has in hers… irony is, whereas there is constant strife in her house, my man and I have only had three disagreements in the three years together, and all three times was about where to go for supper… serious shit if you consider all aspects surrounding it.

Thanks for the words of advice and comfort guys, nice to have a place to go offload once in a while.

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i like it!!! can i use it?

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Can I place Dibs On UpperCaseDude?

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Only if you promise to refrain from changing to strikethrough! :stuck_out_tongue:

M.

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quite honestly it’s just too much effort. why do you think i dont bother with caps?

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This name will preclude you from becoming an advocate in the High Court. Shucks! :cry:

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is oraait. i highly doubt they can handle my awesomeness. :wink: