'Luthon64
Robert Mugabe has left the group.
Zimbabwe likes this.
The government offered to buy my guns from me.
At first I was tempted, but decided not to after conducting a background check.
The rise of autonomous vehicles: How long before there is a Country & Western song about a guy being left behind by his truck at some godforsaken truckstop?
I rather enjoyed this one. ;D
Two scientists, one from the Czech Republic and one from Austria, travelled to America to study the legendary grizzly bear.
When they failed to return from their first trip into the woods, two park rangers went looking for them and quickly tracked down a male and a female bear whoâd been seen near the scientistsâ campsite.
Their apprehension was proven justified when they euthanized the female grizzly and found the remains of the Austrian inside of her.
The first park ranger said sadly, âYou know what this meansâŚâ
The second ranger said, âYeah, the Czech is in the male.â
And koalas are descended from crossing bears and guinea pigs, and kangaroos by crossing rabbits with horses, and so on. And thus the problem of enough space on the ark is solved. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, evilutionists!
An atheist dies and goes to hellThe devil welcomes him and says:âLet me show you around a little bit.â They walk through a nice park with green trees and the devil shows him a huge palace. âThis is your house now, here are your keys.â The man is happy and thanks the devil. The devil says:âNo need to say thank you, everyone gets a nice place to live in when they come down here!â
They continue walking through the nice park, flowers everywhere, and the devil shows the atheist a garage full of beautiful cars. âThese are your cars now!â and hands the man all the car keys. Again, the atheist tries to thank the devil, but he only says âEveryone down here gets some cool cars! How would you drive around without having cars?â.
They walk on and the area gets even nicer. There are birds chirping, squirrels running around, kittens everywhere. They arrive at a fountain, where the most beautiful woman the atheist has ever seen sits on a bench. She looks at him and they instantly fall in love with each other. The man couldn´t be any happier. The devil says âEveryone gets to have their soulmate down here, we don´t want anyone to be lonely!â
As they walk on, the atheist notices a high fence. He peeks to the other side and is totally shocked. There are people in pools of lava, screaming in pain, while little devils run around and stab them with their tridents. Other devils are skinning people alive, heads are spiked, and many more terrible things are happening. A stench of sulfur is in the air.
Terrified, the man stumbles backwards, and asks the devil âWhat is going on there?â The devil just shrugs and says: âThose are the christians, I don´t know why, but they prefer it that wayâ.
Husband and Wife are Christmas Shopping at a busy shopping mall just before Christmas. The wife suddenly noticed that her husband was missing and as they had a lot to do, so she called him on his cell.
The wife said " Where are you, you know we have lots to do."
He said âYou remember the jewellers we went into about 10 years ago, and you fell in love with that diamond necklace? I could not afford it at the time and I said that one day I would get it for you?â
Little tears started to flow down her cheek and she got all
choked upâŚ
âYes, I do remember that shop,â she replied.
âWell, I am in the telescope shop next door to that.â
Insert favourite hobby shop name instead of Telescope shop.
