Puns

Two windmills are standing in a field. After a while one breaks the silence:
Q: “So, what kind of music do you like?”
A: “I’m a big metal fan”

Pedophilia: Now there’s a touchy subject.

A group of chess enthusiasts had checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
“But why?” they asked, as they moved off.
“Because,” he said, “I can’t stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.” - Posted at Chess.com

Actually, that’s a feghoot.

'Luthon64

It’s a hoot either way. :slight_smile:

Q: Why do riot police get to work early?
A: They like to beat the crowd.

And what does the riot policeman’s wife cheerfully say to him when he leaves?
A: Break a leg!

You could try to convince me how great auto-asphixiation is until you’re blue in the face.

And you can try to convince me to exert myself more until you’re red in the face.

And that seasickness is all in the mind until you’re green in the face.

This one comes with a crudeness warning. You’ve been warned.

[spoiler]
Q: What did the one tampon say to the other one?
A: Nothing, they’re both stuck up bitches.[/spoiler]

Sheesh Boogie, I expected crudeness and got lame instead. Know your audience! (Yeah, I know, the whole world is PC mad)

Well, I don’t know. It did put a full stop to my appetite…

Bloody awful. :-X

Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

I swallowed a handful of scrabble tiles, my next bowel movement could spell disaster.

That would be a disaster, not to mention a waste of s’s. Can you at least manage a double word score from where you’re sitting? :stuck_out_tongue:

Periodic table

https://i.reddituploads.com/7bce7a51cef942619f927bae327ff99f?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=d66a46ae1654d9bebcde55691895fc2a

Dinner at the periodic table.

“Pass the salt, please.”
“There aren’t any.”

Then I’ll just have the Polonium.

There will be if I can find a way to neutralize your acidic remarks.