Ohhhh… weddings… (insert involuntary ass-cramp)
I am glad to report that I haven’t been down that particular road yet. As a matter of principle. Because of the very reasons you’ve highlighted in your post.
But…
I do have a wife, and I have two beautiful daughters.
How did that happen, I hear you gasp in amazement?
Simple. The wife and I simply never felt the need to have our relationship ‘certified’ or stamped with the seal of society’s approval by getting married. We didn’t get married in a church, and we didn’t get married in court. What we have done, however, is to change our wills. So, in the event of either party’s death, the other party and the children have got legal recourse to the deceased’s estate.
And we had the most amazing “wedding”. Check this: A regular wedding can easily set you back a hundred grand for a single Saturday afternoon’s scripted idiocy. We spent half that, got a beach house in Marina Beach, and rented rooms in Margate for twelve of our closest friends and family. It was six couples, so we only had to rent six rooms. And it was completely out of season, the beach was empty and quiet and the accommodation was cheap. Our friends had to take the Thursday, Friday and next Monday off from work, and everybody congregated at the beach house in Marina Beach. And yes, we were shitfaced most of the time. It was awesome, intimate, and genuine. We had braais on the beach, we got smashed, we laughed, we danced, we fished, we started up another braai, got smashed again, passed out, woke up, walked along the beach, sobered up, got smashed again, went fishing again, passed out in the sun, got horribly sunburnt, the whole nine yards. By Monday, we decided that we’ve pretty much done celebrating our union and we all left for Gauteng for work on the Tuesday.
I don’t remember if we’ve actually decided “okay, NOW we’re married” or sny such thing. I’m sure in our inebriated state we probably did have a couple of faux ceremonies. I honestly can’t tell you. I do have photos of us doing amazingly weird shit, and any one of them probably could have been a wedding ceremony. But if I did get ‘married’ in the ceremonial sense, I was only wearing a board short and flip-flops. With a horrible sunburn.
I do suppose that probably did count as a ‘wedding’. But we simply refused to do it the ‘church’ way. We had a braai on the beach. And let the chips fall where they may. So, there’s an idea for you guys, Boogie & Majin!
The irony of it all is that at the same time, my wife’s cousins started getting into the marriage game. And she’s got a helluva big extended family. We prolly went to weddings at the rate of four to five a year, for about five years running. And her family is happy clappy llike hell. The lot of them. My father in law will spontaneously burst out in praise songs when we’re braaiing at the old man’s house. VERY awkward. That’s how they roll. But their religion and commitment to religious claptrap like ‘weddings’ and such ceremonies didn’t help them jack shit. Because, after fourteen years, more than half of them are already divorced. The other half are very unhappy, and divorce proceedings are probably not far off. Yet me and my heathen missus are still together and happy as the proverbial shit-covered pigs. And legally speaking, there is nothing keeping us together. If I give my wife a second’s worth of shit more than what she deems is right, or vise versa, we don’t need lawyers or any complicated proceedings to dissolve our union. At worst, the unhappy party simply has to pack his/her shit and bugger off. But we don’t do that. Because we love each other. And we’re in it for the long haul. And we’ve got two beautiful girls who we love. We’re committed to make it work. Because it’s what WE want - not something dictated to us by some imaginery fairy in the sky.
It’s incredibly liberating, and much more real, for want of a better term. Love should not be dictated, formulated or ritualised. Then it’s just more smoke and mirrors, leading to immensely unhappy couples, wealthy lawyers and traumatised children. A ritual only makes it real on paper.