Today I had lunch at macdonalds. And I noticed a couple of older boys sitting with a kid of more or less 10 years old.
Talking to this kid about life. To me alot of the information he gave this kid wasn’t good.
Questions:
Do you think there is a problem with children not getting information from their parents?
What is the solution for this? Because I realise that kids are being misinformed about religion and alot of things.
Do you think that kids are easily influenced? And do you think this is an issue?
I was just wondering how you would raise a kid in the world of today. Because how you were taught by your parents isn’t necessarily the correct way?
I am starting to think that most parents aren’t talking to their children and maybe we as a society should have a spesific class that deals with this?
No, getting information from people who are not your parents is good, because as you point out later, parents can be wrong.
What is the solution for this? Because I realise that kids are being misinformed about religion and alot of things.
Give kids information that is not from their parents, USUALLY misinformation actually comes from the parents. The more information a kid receives, good or bad, the more they learn that when people SAY they know, it’s not necessarily true. The more contradicting information a kid gets the better in my opinion. Even if you think some of it is “wrong”, because it’s in the contradictions that you’ll inadvertently get the kid to start thinking for himself.
Do you think that kids are easily influenced? And do you think this is an issue?
Yes they are easily influenced, but some will unlearn that later. The idea is that when an adult tells a kid “don’t eat that” or “get away from that ledge”, the kid should follow the orders, otherwise it could kill him. However later in life you DO want the kid to start thinking for himself about the bigger stuff.
Because how you were taught by your parents isn't necessarily the correct way?
Like I said, trusting your parents is extremely useful up to a certain age, but it is also a revelation when you discover they can be wrong too. However at that point you’ve successfully (hopefully) learned to think for yourself.
I am starting to think that most parents aren't talking to their children and maybe we as a society should have a spesific class that deals with this?
I think forcing any opinion on people is wrong, the biggest class out there is the world itself and it teaches many valuable lessons for free. The question is who is receptive to the lesson, and who blunders forth without learning anything.
For me, a great asset in life has been my insanely steep learning curve. Oh I do X and Y happens, I won’t do X again: this is a pattern that I often pick up in a single try. I’ve noticed not a lot of people operate like this. This does have negative consequences: I’ve learned not to trust people, which can be a good thing at times. However I learned to distrust just about everyone, and it’s limited my social circles. You can look at this both ways, but there are definitely negative consequences. And, of course, I have to be careful not to make a rule out of what may be an exception.
Because I realise that kids are being misinformed about religion and alot of things.
It doesn’t matter much. Everyone is misinformed on all kinds of stuff. As long as they are not so catastrophically misinformed that they cannot function, kids who have parents that are involved in their lives will virtually always do better than kids whose parents are never available.
Do you think that kids are easily influenced?
Yes, evolution probably wired them that way: they’ll believe literally anything a trusted adult tells them.
And do you think this is an issue?
With today’s adults, it probably is, but there’s not much we can do about it, is there?
I was just wondering how you would raise a kid in the world of today. Because how you were taught by your parents isn't necessarily the correct way?
I am starting to think that most parents aren't talking to their children and maybe we as a society should have a spesific class that deals with this?
A specific class? For the parents or the kids? Taught by whom?
Sure, parenthood is often a head-in-the-sand process, if the kid dont ask, the parents dont tell. Even in my house where we have a open relationship with the kids, I’m often surprised out of a comfort zone when I raise a new topic of discussion and find out they know more about it than I do - and they DIDNT hear it from me. Sometimes scary for a parent
What is the solution for this? Because I realise that kids are being misinformed about religion and alot of things.
There is no solution, not in our current society, aside from that, classify "misinformation", what is right for one is often inconceivable for another. As a Mother, I have come to the realisation that one cannot point a finger at another mother, because you simply [b]dont know [/b] whether you're doing right or not, only time will tell whether your personal way of raising your children was right or wrong.
Do you think that kids are easily influenced? And do you think this is an issue?
My eldest are'nt, he tends to be the one doing the influencing (not sure whether that is a good or bad thing, but never mind). My youngest are'nt either but for entirely different reasons, he's an introvert and simply couldnt be bothered about friends and fitting in. It depends on the child, his circumstances and the type of friends he associates with. Generally speaking, its not an issue, mistakes need to be made in order to learn. It becomes an issue if you're 13 and get involved in a gang rape of a 17 year old girl, minor troubles are healthy though. I do blame parents for the latter type of troubles to some extent, in my opinion you screwed up righteously somewhere along the line when shit like that happens to your kid.
I was just wondering how you would raise a kid in the world of today. Because how you were taught by your parents isn't necessarily the correct way?
I am starting to think that most parents aren't talking to their children and maybe we as a society should have a spesific class that deals with this?
You raise a kid the best you can. Every single child is different. Parents do the best they can, and you love your child more than life itself, its not an emotion that can be described to non-parents, its overwhelming. As for a class, you might as well then become religious if you want to listen to other people dictating to you how to raise your child.
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You raise a kid the best you can. Every single child is different. Parents do the best they can, and you love your child more than life itself, its not an emotion that can be described to non-parents, its overwhelming. As for a class, you might as well then become religious if you want to listen to other people dictating to you how to raise your child.
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I was thinking that more information for people and children would be nice. People tend to follow what they hear too readily and end up blind to the truth.
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A specific class? For the parents or the kids? Taught by whom?
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I think both parent and child will probably be good. A class was a nice idea to me, but I don’t think it will work anymore.
The only way for this to happen is if you give your own kids all the information they need.
In my perfect world children will not just be taught about religion in school but about science and evolution.
I did not grow up with religion in my household but I grew up with it in school. If I had more information I would have been able to make
my own choice. I blindly believed that everything they said were true.
To me a child is similar to an unblemished blank white board: everything that’s written by whomsoever on it tends to remain indelible: the more influence such writer may have such as parents and teachers the more difficult it becomes over time to erase/change. Consequently, the responsibility of parents and teachers cannot be over-emphasised. Nonetheless, siblings and peers as well as the modern media have a similar influence on the white board often leading to conflicting information, disinformation and misinformation (masturbation will cause hair to grow on your palms, my mother told me! ???) which in turn could create confusion, rejection (sometimes of valid info) and in the worst of cases, some forms of anti-social behavior. As the child is exposed to all sources of info, s/he is increasingly able (maybe not willing) to make judgement calls, mistakes (leading to further learning, hopefully), and above all learn to accept the consequences of his/her decisions.
Unfortunately, religion teaches otherwise e.g. your sins are forgiven so don’t shit yourself if you sin! This leads to the denial of responsibility as we so often see in the media. The child’s exposure to religion from a very young age moulds his/her value systems and perspectives depending on how strong the influence and pressure is on the child. It is anathema to religionists to allow a child to search for 'The Truth" without guidance, propaganda, fear and intimidation (think of Santa Clause bringing presents to only those who are good)so the precious ‘white board’ must be indelibly imprinted with the word of who-ever’s god.
Peers are a valuable source of information (how otherwise would I have learned about sex?) and whilst every single person has biases, it is a reflection of a person’s ability and capacity to selectively accept or reject bullshit, ‘the Truth’, gossip etc. That, at the end of the day makes us who we are…individuals.
I always thought about this when considering our children and their upbringing!!
On Children
Kahlil Gibran
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.
I had all sorts of lofty ideas about raising my children as little free thinking clones of myself. Until we actually had one. Now I’m just happy if he brushes before bed time and remembers not to wipe his nose on his sleeve.
