For Sale

I’m a bit short of cash at the moment, so I’m considering selling my soul.

Surely there is a wealthy benevolent christian type who might like to pay me for it. Bidding starts at US$1m. I’ll promise to praise the lord every day and to attend church ( max 2 hours ) each Sunday.

Please advise condition of soul, its chassis number, and contact details of previous owners.


This is discrimination! There are laws against this. But how about 250? Cant resist a bargain.

This is one Prime A-Grade soul, my man! Minted in the Dark Ages, it has had but one previous owner ( if you discount a brief period as a fluffy black cat ) whose heretical actions caused said soul to spend centuries in Purgatory being cleansed of all evil. As good as new, in fact samey-samey one times virgin soul. Best value money can buy.

Cheapskate! I suppose I could do Rent-A-Soul, and US$250 would get you about 50 Hail Marys and 1 Bloody Mary. I’ll PM you my bank details - all business conducted on a cash-up-front basis ( you can’t be too careful these days ).

Why not slice it up in sections and flog it off that way? Didnt that evil dude in the Harry Potter series do just that?

I am not the benevolent christian type, but will buy your soul under the following conditions:

  1. My second cousin (with grade 8 ) must be appointed director-general of Home Affairs;
  2. The navy must install my new electronic system in all their corvettes;
  3. Petro SA must buy my million barrels of oil at $140/barrel. Delivery in 2018.
  4. All mineral rights at Sishen must be transferred to my companies.

If you are unable to arrange these few tokens, I am afraid your soul might be worth less than you think.

No problem! Just deposit the US$1m in my account and all will be speedily arranged.

before I bid pls show me your soul… >:D

Deposit the money into an account? That’s for amateurs!