Puns - some old, some new, none original

  1. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was –
    –Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

  2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, –
    –but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

  3. She was only a whisky maker, –
    –but he loved her still.

  4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class –
    –because it was a weapon of math disruption.

  5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder –
    –and got a little behind in his work.

  6. No matter how much you push the envelope, –
    –it’ll still be stationery.

  7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road –
    –and was cited for littering.

  8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France –
    –would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

  9. Two silk worms had a race. –
    –They ended up in a tie.

  10. Time flies like an arrow. –
    –Fruit flies like a banana.

  11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. –
    –The police are looking into it.

  12. Atheism –
    –is a non-prophet organization.

  13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. –
    –One hat said to the other, ‘You stay here, I’ll go on a head.’

  14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.–
    – Then, it hit me.

  15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, –
    –‘Keep off the Grass.’

  16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital.–
    – His grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, ‘No change yet.’

  17. A chicken crossing the road –
    –is poultry in motion.

  18. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison –
    –was a small medium at large.

  19. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray –
    –is now a seasoned veteran.

  20. A backward poet –
    –writes inverse.

  21. In democracy, it’s your vote that counts. –
    –In feudalism, it’s your count that votes.

  22. When cannibals ate a missionary, –
    –they got a taste of religion.

  23. Don’t join dangerous cults: –
    –Practice safe sects !

  24. One shooting star to another: “Pleased to meteor”

  25. Do trees access the internet by loggin on?

Nice! :wink: