Religious e-mails (and the evolution of the perfect snappy comeback)

Skepticism General Skepticism
21

Received this one today

GOD WANTED ME TO TELL YOU In the name of Jesus everything that is going wrong in your life today shall be well with you this year. No matter how much your enemies try this year, "they will not" succeed. You have been destined to make it and you shall surely achieve all your goals this year. For the remaining months of this year (2009), all your agonies will be diverted and victory and prosperity will be incoming in abundance. [b]Today God has confirmed the end of your sufferings, sorrows and pains because HE that sits on the throne has remembered you.[/b] He has taken away the hardships and given you JOY, so shall it be in Jesus' name, amen. I knocked at heaven's door this morning, God asked me...My child! What can I do for you? And I said, "Father, please protect and bless the person reading this message"...God smiled and answered... Request granted.

If you believe this message, send it to seven people and the one who sent it
to you.
By doing this you have succeeded in praying for eight people today.

What was he doing for the past 10.5 months ::slight_smile:

[b].......sits on the throne has remembered you.[/b]

Uh hu whatever! Asleep for 10.5 months or non-existant? (more like it) They get to choose :wink:

22
*Court Sets Atheist Holy Day!*

G**otta love this Judge!

You must read this…

A proper decision by the courts…

For a change.

FLORIDA COURT SETS ATHEIST HOLY DAY

In Florida, an atheist created a case against the upcoming Easter and
Passover Holy days. He hired an attorney to bring a discrimination case
against Christians and Jews and observances of their holy days. The argument
was that it was unfair that atheists had no such recognized days.*

The case was brought before a judge.*

After listening to the passionate presentation by the lawyer,

the judge banged his gavel declaring…

**

“Case dismissed!”

The lawyer immediately stood objecting to the ruling saying:

Your honor! How can you possibly dismiss this case?

The “Christians” have Christmas, Easter, and others.

The “Jews” have Passover, Yom Kippur, and Hanukkah.

Yet my client and all other atheists

have no such holidays…

The judge leaned forward in his chair saying:*

But you do!

“Your client, counsel, is woefully ignorant.”

The lawyer said:*

"Your Honor, we are unaware of

any special observance or holiday for atheists."

The judge said:**

“The calendar says April 1st is April Fools Day.”

Psalm 14:1 states:**

‘The fool says in his heart, there is no God.’

"Thus, it is the opinion of this court,

that if your client says there is no God,

then he is a fool."

Therefore, April 1st is his day.

**

Court is adjourned."

You gotta love a Judge that knows his scripture!

This is too good not to forward…*

Is this a case of small thing amuses small minds ::slight_smile:

23

That is just horribly lame. And I mean, beyond just the normally level of lameness of chain emails.

**This is too good not to forward....***

Don’t you just love other people telling you what YOU think is good enough to forward?

24

I don’t mind having April Fool’s day as long as I can stay at home on that day then…

25

Here’s one I got this morning, minus all the fluffy lamb and angel pictures…
AAARRRGGGHHHHHH!!! ??? >:( ::slight_smile: (we need a WTF! smiley, seriously)

Think carefully about what you will be reading...

Mary, had a little Lamb,
His fleece was white as snow.
And everywhere that Mary went,
The Lamb was sure to go.

He followed her to school each day,

T’wasn’t even in the rule.
It made the children laugh and play,

To have The Lamb at school.

And then the rules all changed one day,
Illegal it became;
To bring The Lamb of God to school,
Or even speak His Name!

Every day got worse and worse,
And days turned into years.
Instead of hearing children laugh,
We heard gun shots and tears.

What must we do to stop the crime,
That’s in our schools today?
Let’s let The Lamb come back to school,
And teach our kids to pray!

If you agree, please pass this on. It is said that 86% of the World’s people believe in GOD. Why don’t we just tell the other 14% to be quiet and sit down?

If you agree, pass this on, if not delete.

26

The Lamb is totally welcome in my house. As is The Cow and The Chicken. all neatly stacked on the grill in my backyard.

I can generally tell if a re-mail is waiting in my inbox. the heading usually goes ‘for you’, ‘thought of the day’ ‘if today was your last day’ ‘just a thought’ ‘flower/thoughts/clouds’. usually all pps attachments. and gif. my mother know i dont do god. and yet, they keep a-comin. even my boss, bless her, send 'em. and i’m like, lady! what part of atheist dont you get? usually at which point i get a blank stare and a blink in response. or the evergreen ‘but why?’. lordy, how much time do you have.

i have seen an upsurge of hippie-atheists. they dont go to church, the dont read the bible, they dont talk about jeeeesus. they do however talk about your angels, and ‘the universe’ (aka god). and ‘putting it out there’ as opposed to old skool praying your ass off. they still refer to HE. not it, or her. oi vey.

they have angel cards, and stones and crystals.

i have stopped trying to convince them of their folly, poor buggers. its much more fun watching them kak themselves in the face of allmighty wrath. while i leisurely drag on my blunt. and watch porn on a sunday.

amen

27

Another atheist stoned… Nice! ;D

28

It doesnt mean they dont do exactly the same than you hey, they are just not as honest about it, than you!

29

true that.
reason number zillion i stay the hell away from churches. pious filling the benches with beautific smiles, making sure they get noticed in their new shiny car, and brandname suit. while trying to sms their skelmpie so that no one notices. and the pastor says ‘halleluja!’. the prig halts halfway after misspelling blowjob, and lifts his hands with joyus glory and too says ‘halleluja’.
pardon me while i throw up in my nose a little.

30

I have been reading this forum for a while now and I find it very interesting and I enjoy all the comments. Looks like everybody is a quantum physic genius. I do believe in God and that we are put on earth for a purpose. I think that makes me a creationist if I am right.

I also do not like all these religous emails that we get SPAMMED with. I am not forwarding them and do not believe in all the nonsense that will happen to you when you do not do certain stuff. My sister is one of them … try to get her to stop !

I also do not like it when christians try to convert everybody to their way. Also people sitting in church in front row and is all high an mighty - (wtf!!)

I am a person that believes that everybody has the right to believe what the want. I am not there to convert or to show I am better and that everybody not believing in God will burn in Hel. I believe in love and trying to make the world a beter place … and maybe when I die there will be a life after death - if not - at least I tried ; )

31

Hi r0n1n and welcome to the forum,

Looks like everybody is a quantum physic genius.
Not at all, I consider myself a dumbass compared to a lot of other members here, but I do learn a lot from them.
I do believe in God and that we are put on earth for a purpose. I think that makes me a creationist if I am right.
That's cool, member's beliefs and opinions here vary - I'm an atheist - but that's what makes it interesting.

mdg

P.S. Admin: thanks for the cool WTF!! smiley!

32
Looks like everybody is a quantum physic genius.
That certainly ain't me. I'm strictly a Newtonian kind of guy, even Einstein leave me in the dust.
I do believe in God and that we are put on earth for a purpose. I think that makes me a creationist if I am right.
Yeah, but at least not a YEC creationist >:D
33

Why, and what do you think that purpose might be?

34

I moved the rest of this topic to http://forum.skeptic.za.org/flame-wars/re-religious-e-mails-(and-the-evolution-of-the-perfect-snappy-comeback)-split/

35

Thanks, r0n1n never did answer my question. :-\

36

Split the answer to http://forum.skeptic.za.org/religion-and-philosophy/belief-in-god/