New Element Discovered - Soon To Be Included On The Periodic Table:
Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet
known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25
assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons,
giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are
surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected,
because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny
amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less
than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 - 6 years. It does not decay,
but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant
neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium’s
mass will actually increase over time, since each re-organization will cause
more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron
promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed
whenever morons reach a critical concentration.