A good quote.....

[BoogieMonster]

“I would go fuck myself, but I have standards.”

[Mintaka]

Since we’re talking about that kind of thing, from a bumper sticker somewhere in Texas:

A gun-free America? Suck my Glock.

[st0nes]

A comment on Buddhist monks. Not much different from the priesthood of other religions:–

@Irby

They live in sloth and idleness on the labours of an ignorant and superstitious population, in requital for
their maintenance and comfort performing such religious rites as their formulary directs, and repeating prayers.

[st0nes]

A description of part of the valley of cant:–

@John Russell: "Adventures in the Moon

I did not stay long amongst these strange noises, which at different times have served as piety, but passing further into the valley, I found cant under another representation. I was surrounded by a vast multitude of faces, or appearances of faces, which hovered in the air without being allied to bodies, or any other visible support. These faces were employed in the different contortions and grimaces which have been thought acceptable to God by adherents of the several sects. I was not a little amused by the violent endeavours of these faces; I saw features let out to an immoderate length; eye-brows with wonderful skill conveyed to a place far remote from that where nature had settled them: and eyes most ingeniously put out of sight without the lids being shut. Some of these artists had great advantages from nature in uncommon gifts of ugliness, and others had by industry supplied their natural defects in that endowment.

By the way, this work will be coming soon to Project Gutenburg

[st0nes]

@William Stearns Davis

Once there was a holy man who could heal the sick. A young noblewoman suffered from grievous headaches. The miracle worker took one glance at her towering headpiece. “First,” said he, “remove that scaffolding which surmounts your head. Then will I pray for you with great confidence.” The sacrifice was too great, and she refused; yet erelong her anguish became unendurable and the holy man was recalled. He compelled her to cast away all her false hair and colored bands and swear never to resume them. Immediately then he began to pray–and, behold! her headache departed.

[Hermes]

America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked.
~ David Letterman

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I’m not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. God dammit, I’m a billionaire.
~ Howard Hughes

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After the game, the King and the pawn go into the same box.
~ Italian proverb

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Men are like linoleum floors. Lay 'em right and you can walk all over them for thirty years.
~ Betsy Salkind

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I’ve been married to a communist and a fascist, and neither would take out the garbage.
~ Zsa Zsa Gabor

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You know you’re a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn’t.
~ Jeff Foxworthy

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When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.
~ Prince Philip

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A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.
~ Emo Philips.

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Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself.
~ Harrison Ford

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The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree.
~ Spike Milligan

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Lawyers believe a man is innocent until proven broke.
~ Robin Hall

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Kill one man and you’re a murderer, kill a million and you’re a conqueror.
~ Jean Rostand.

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Having more money doesn’t make you happier. I have 50 million dollars but I’m just as happy as when I had 48 million.
~ Arnold Schwarzenegger.

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We are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I have no idea.
~ WH Auden

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In hotel rooms I worry. I can’t be the only guy who sits on the furniture naked.
~ Jonathan Katz

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If life were fair Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead.
~ Johnny Carson

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I don’t believe in astrology. I am a Sagittarius and we’re very skeptical.
~ Arthur C Clarke

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Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap.
~ Steve Martin

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Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is.
~ Jimmy Durante

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As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind - every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.
~ John Glenn

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America is so advanced that even the chairs are electric.
~ Doug Hamwell

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The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone.
~ George Roberts

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If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get to the airport.
~ Jonathan Winters

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I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.
~ Robert Benchley

[Mintaka]

“Hey, that’s a handicapped parking space.”
“That’s OK. I’m psychotic.” - Dirk the bounty hunter in Mr Monk and the Big Reward

[Mintaka]

I listened to him chewing. It sounded like twelve rabbits fucking in the straw. - Charles Bukowski

[Mintaka]

I speak Esperanto like a native. - Spike Milligan

Why did you bring that book that I didn’t want to be read to out of up for? - H.L. Mencken

[st0nes]

@Giordano Bruno 'De Vinculis in genere'

The laws of the wise do not forbid love, but irrational love; the sycophancies of the foolish prescribe, without reason, limits to reason, and condemn the law of nature; the most corrupt of them call it corrupt, because by it they are not raised above nature to become heroic spirits, but are depraved, contrary to nature and below all worth, to become brutes.

[Mefiante]

@<a

Countries with a high percentage of non-believers are among the freest, most stable, best-educated, and healthiest nations on earth. When nations are ranked according to a human-development index, which measures such factors as life expectancy, literacy rates, and educational attainment, the five highest-ranked countries — Norway, Sweden, Australia, Canada, and the Netherlands — all have high degrees of non-belief. Of the fifty countries at the bottom of the index, all are intensely religious. The nations with the highest homicide rates tend to be more religious; those with the greatest levels of gender equality are the least religious. These associations say nothing about whether atheism leads to positive social indicators or the other way around. But the idea that atheists are somehow less moral, honest, or trustworthy has been disproven by study after study.

— Greg Graffin, American punk rocker, college professor, and author.

'Luthon64

[Mintaka]

[filling out an official form]

Q: How long has your family lived at the present address?

A: 697 years. - Sir Thomas Ingilby, of Ripley Castle

[st0nes]

@Harper

His father, made rich by hops, was a
man of consideration at Canterbury, and filled an
Aldermanic chair with all the dignity that comes
of adipose tissue largely developed.

[brianvds]

@Rigil Kent post:69

I speak Esperanto like a native. - Spike Milligan

I wonder how many people will nowadays still get the joke. The most popular made-up language these days is Klingon.

If you read the Fritz Deelman novels written by Leon Rousseau in the late 1950s, you’ll hear quite a bit about Esperanto: in the futuristic world of the novels it is very widely spoken all over the world, so much so that members of the International Security Police like Deelman are required to know it.

But looks like the language more or less sunk like a brick. Instead we are stuck with something as illogical and awkward as English. Soon to be replaced by Mandarin. Oh, the horror.

[Mintaka]

Possibly not very new, but first time I’ve seen it.

[brianvds]

I am really becoming more and more of a Buddhist every day…

[BoogieMonster]

'cept for the whole celebacy schpiel, and sitting around chanting with bells, Buddhism is one of the more reasonable “religions”. Even though I don’t really view it as a religion, but others do.

[Brian]

Why is it that doctors call what they do ‘practice’?

[Mintaka]

@brianvds post:76

I am really becoming more and more of a Buddhist every day…

I hear you, but ultimately orange just isn’t my colour.

[BoogieMonster]

@Brian post:78

Why is it that doctors call what they do ‘practice’?

To prevent litigation?