Jesus Will Survive
'Luthon64
and God said unto Noah âOf all the animalsâŚbe fucking careful of T Rex!â
[quote]JUDAS ASPARAGUS
A child was asked to write a book report on the entire Bible. This is amazing. I wonder how often we take for granted that children understand what we are teaching??? Through the eyes of a child:
The Childrenâs Bible in a Nutshell
In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, the Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot older than that. Anyway, God said, âGive me a lightâ and someone did. Then God made the world.
He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked but they werenât embarrassed because mirrors hadnât been invented yet. Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of EdenâŚ.Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didnât have cars. Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel.
Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.
One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.
After Noah came Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than this brother Esau because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.
Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaohâs people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels and no cable. God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include: donât lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbourâs stuff. Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humour thy father and thy mother.
One of Mosesâ best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.
After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesnât sound wise to me.
After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was swollowed by a big whale and then got barfed up on the shore. There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we donât have to worry about them.
After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of the New. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me, âClose the door! Were you born in a barn?â It would be nice to say, âAs a matter of fact, I was.â)
During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Democrats. Jesus also had twelve opossums. The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.
Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount.
But the Democrats and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didnât stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.
Anyways, Jesus dies for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminium. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.
my favourite blogger posted another pearler for our amusement, the topic: dog and cock fighting
are there so many people in the world just dying to fit the stereotype of lowlife scum?
That is actually so true. A quote for the agesâŚ
BUT, what is this doing in âI lolâdâ? I surely didnât lol.
bazinga
Itâs known as black humour, itâs ok, youâre allowed to laugh out loud while simultaneously feeling some discomfort.
I believe I get black humor. I donât think that article was being entirely jolly. Anyway, a joke:
Q: What is pretty gross?
A: A tipper truck-load of abortion fetuses.
Q: What is ever grosser than that?
A: Thereâs one still alive at the bottom.
Q: And grosser than that?
A: Itâs eating itâs way outâŚ
Was the scatalogical exibitionism too low brow for you, toilet humour perhaps not to your taste? Iâd recommend you stay away from South Park 
http://thingsthatshouldntstillexist.files.wordpress.com/2010/11/06.jpg?w=240&h=189
Lulz! Yaâll got me all wrong! SP is the best show on TV!
benguela, Iâm afraid Iâm not quite with you. Do you regard this as humorous?
http://thingsthatshouldntstillexist.files.wordpress.com/2010/11/01.jpg
Hermes, are you happy with this quote from wikipedia?
âThe purpose of black humour is to make light of serious and often taboo subject matter, and some comedians use it as a tool for exploring vulgar issues, thus provoking discomfort and serious thought as well as amusement in their audienceâ
Would you say that the blog post can be categorised as black humour as per this definition? Did you find nothing in the post humorous? Sjoe, tough crowd, tough crowd.
I have no problem with the Wikipedia quote or with black humour per se. That does not imply that serious subject matter is humorous by itself. Humour requires some comic or jocose element to be funny.
Did you find nothing in the post humorous? Sjoe, tough crowd, tough crowd.I don't see that the blog post was intended to be humorous. It deals with things that should not exist, including crude humour. Perhaps the odd tongue in the cheek remark by the author contains some wit.
From the author of the blog:
âThus, for my sanity and your enjoyment, I have begun this blog of epic criticism and mirth entitled: Things that Shouldnât Still Exist!â
Definition of mirth:
âGladness and gaiety, especially when expressed by laughterâ
Be assured that reading the post did not leave me in any such state. I do not wish to labour the point and will accept that you found some of the characterizations of people supporting this kind of cruelty humorous rather then the practice itself.
burn @ benguela