1.The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.

  1. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

  2. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

  3. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

  4. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

  5. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

  6. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

  7. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

  8. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

  9. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like an apple.

  10. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

  11. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’

  12. I wondered why the cricket ball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

  13. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’

  14. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

  15. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

  16. A backward poet writes inverse.

  17. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count
    that votes.

  18. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

  19. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you’d be in Seine .

  20. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, ‘I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.’

  21. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says ‘Dam!’

  22. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

  23. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, ‘I’ve lost my electron.’ The other says ‘Are you sure?’ The first replies, ‘Yes, I’m positive.’

  24. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

  25. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

LOL, thanks. Some more:

The hypochondriacs went to a sham-pain party.
Crime report: All the toilet seats were stolen from Scotland Yard. The police have nothing to go on.
Sign in a school hallway during exam time: “Exams in progress. Do not pass.”

the lols, it makes me a funny.

edo yopu remember the bumper stickers some time back that said something about ‘do it’ so when I drive I sit and make up this ‘do it’ puns, ie.

artisans do it with their tools
waterpolo players do it with one hand
hockey players do it bent over
rugby players do with their heads between other people’s legs

and so on…makes the road so much shorter! ;D

Trombone players do it in 7 positions, and the good one’s can triple-tongue, dadiga dadiga dadiga daaam!

The funnies, they give me a happy. :smiley:

yeh soccer players dribble when they do it and surfers do it standing up ;D

And priests do it in innocence (oooh, ouch, couldn’t resist, sorry).

“Classical theism” is an oxymoron and its proponents lack oxy-.

I saw this article and punny quote today:

A Kuwaiti court sentenced a man to two years in prison on Monday for insulting the country's ruler on Twitter
Another argument for metric, As it's obvious this ruler was Imperial.

Or they are plain morons.

The human cannonball passed away, now the circus are struggling to find someone of the same calibre.

It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs: They always take things literally.

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

When chemists die, they barium!

Here’s a whole bunch.

Plagiarised some FB stuff:

I asked a nudist friend what he was doing this weekend. He had nothing on.

A criminal stole a calendar, he got 12 months.

I bought new running shoes, but they were a bit tekkie.

Why was the Simba Chippie negative? He was going through a dip.

As jy 'n skroewedraaier verkeerd vashou, kan dinge lelik uitdraai!

Alles in die lewe het 'n doel. Veral sokker en netbal.

Hierdie loadshedding sit my liggies af.

Box of tic-tac’s for sale: Mint condition.

Sal ek 'n liedjie vir my bank skryf? Absa-lied!

As jy geld by die bank leen, dan is dit jou eie skuld.

Ek dink Spar se drankwinkel is Tops.

I knew a girl with medical aid, pension, and car insurance. She was my friend with benefits.

For my 18th my parents bought me a CAR. I don’t even like magazines.

As ek by die ATM kom kry ek onttrekkingssimptome.

Elke keer as ek by KFC inloop kry ek hoendervleis!

Om taai biltong te eet is nie 'n straf nie. Dis 'n sening.

Driving through Dunkeld West this morning I spied 2 puns in 2 minutes.

One was this…


The other was on a blackboard the garage next-door to said Fournos usually uses to entertain drivers stuck in traffic (moi) with witty things. Sadly phone skills were lacking to catch a pic but it said:

“I’m reading a book about anti-gravity, and I’m finding I can’t put it down”.


Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me, it means a lot.