You’ve seen the plectrum, now read the book.
Parents are mean.
Maybe not intentionally. We just foist on our children those opportunities we couldn’t be bothered pursuing ourselves, but now wish we did. Kids will forever be plagued by their parents’ regrets.
The BDSM community took me to court for not being hardcore enough: I got off with a slap on the wrist.
Were you at least cuffed during the arrest? 
Having sex can make your day, but having anal can make your hole weak.
I thought randomly recently (weird how the brain works), that you may enjoy the late Mitch Hedberg. He was a really shy guy, usually did his sets with his eyes mostly closed, but really brilliant if you get into it… as this crowd doesn’t really until a bit later.
Very good!
I tried to warn my son about the dangers of Russian Roulette, but it went in one ear and came out the other.
Q: Dad why is this book so thick?
A: It’s a long story…
Nice!
He was in a band called The Eight Billion Bits. They just got their first gig.
Weirdly, some reggae riffs came out of my printer. Turns out the paper was jamming.
I scorched my Hawaiian pizza. Should have baked it at aloha setting.
What do you get if you win a muscle loss competition?
Atrophy.
Weak.
